I feel really messed up about my older brothers. I realized the other day that I’ve gone 7 years without seeing them, but I think about them like every other day. I like to think I don’t care about them at all, but obviously I do or they’d never cross my mind. And I feel dumb/melodramatic being hung up on it because the whole thing just seems so stupid. I want to be able to take the “who cares, good riddance” route but I can’t.
I don’t necessarily wish they were in my life anymore. I just wish I could be indifferent to the whole situation.
Apparently my great great aunts (my great grandma’s sisters) want to move her grave because her ashes are buried next to their parents. My great grandma didn’t have anyone to be buried with when she died, she left her deadbeat husband in the 40s when my grandma and her siblings were little. The rest of my great grandma’s siblings (there were 17 kids in all) were buried with their spouses. These couple aunts that are left will be buried with their husbands when they die.
I just don’t get why they care. How shitty of a person do you have to be to want to disturb someone’s grave over something so petty? And it’s not like my great grandma died recently, she died in 2006.
I’m pretty sure there’s nothing they can do about it but its infuriating to think that they’re acting so horrible over this.
Random fact of the day
“Blood is thicker than water”, when used in the context of family over friends, is in fact a wildly incorrect bastardisation.
The true, full quote is “The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb,” and refers to relationships forged by choice holding deeper meaning than those of mere biology.
The true quote is so much better. I think family is important, but that biological connection isn’t everything. My mom will always say “they’re still your brothers” if I say anything about not caring about my older half brothers (her stepsons, well ex stepsons). But is the bond of being siblings really so strong that it means anything after going 7 or 8 years without seeing each other and almost as long without talking? Because I don’t think it is.
Sometimes I’ll be thinking about something and it’ll remind me of my older brothers. And then I think about how weird it is that it’s been like 7 years since I’ve seen them. Who just has brothers they go close to a decade without seeing? I sometime wonder if I’ll ever see them again. Even if I did, it’s not like they’re the same people I have memories of. We’re basically just strangers now who happen to share a dad. But it’s not like that’s how it was growing up.
I don’t know, the whole thing is weird and sometimes it makes me really angry and sometimes I just don’t even care. But sometimes it really upsets me.
Istanbul was Constantinople
Now it’s Istanbul, not Constantinople
My sister’s ex-boyfriend used to blast this song in his Cherokee* so every time I hear this it makes me think of him. Which sounds kind of weird, but he was a great guy and she dated him for 4 years so he was like a brother. She broke up with him before I started dating my boyfriend, but I’ve told my boyfriend so many stories about him that he says he wished he would have met him haha
Her new boyfriend is ok I guess.
*just realized every guy she’s dated has driven some sort of Jeep
(Source: howtheinternetruinedmylife, via necksareforsheep)
I sent my oldest half brother an apology message a few weeks back. Our relationship is pretty messed up because he’s estranged from our dad & I haven’t seen him in at least 5 years. Recently he’s been struggling with drug problems & is in rehab.
His mom sent me a message yesterday saying she passed the message along to him & he’d be in touch when he could (limited contact in rehab & all that).
I’m kinda nervous about hearing from him. I don’t know that we will ever be close like other siblings, but hopefully we can establish some kind of relationship that’s more normal than what we currently have.
I just realized that my relationship with my older half-brothers can be told with stories all involving video games. I think I’m gonna try to write something like that. And maybe I’ll post it here. And then maybe I’ll send them each a link to it. And then maybe I’ll feel better about everything that has and hasn’t happened and has and hasn’t been said.
Day 03 – A picture of something that makes me happy
For this one I thought I’d do a couple of my favorite family photos (at least, ones I have on my laptop)…
My great-grandma, sometime in the 1940s or 1950s
My pap, cousin Michael, brother Adam, & cousin Alex, summer 2006