Sometimes I’ll be thinking about something and it’ll remind me of my older brothers. And then I think about how weird it is that it’s been like 7 years since I’ve seen them. Who just has brothers they go close to a decade without seeing? I sometime wonder if I’ll ever see them again. Even if I did, it’s not like they’re the same people I have memories of. We’re basically just strangers now who happen to share a dad. But it’s not like that’s how it was growing up.
I don’t know, the whole thing is weird and sometimes it makes me really angry and sometimes I just don’t even care. But sometimes it really upsets me.
Sometimes its hard reconciling who you both are now and the memories I have of us all growing up together. I don’t see anything changing in the future, and I’m not sure I even care for it to. But the memories are still good.
Now it’s Istanbul, not Constantinople
My sister’s ex-boyfriend used to blast this song in his Cherokee* so every time I hear this it makes me think of him. Which sounds kind of weird, but he was a great guy and she dated him for 4 years so he was like a brother. She broke up with him before I started dating my boyfriend, but I’ve told my boyfriend so many stories about him that he says he wished he would have met him haha
Her new boyfriend is ok I guess.
*just realized every guy she’s dated has driven some sort of Jeep
I sent my oldest half brother an apology message a few weeks back. Our relationship is pretty messed up because he’s estranged from our dad & I haven’t seen him in at least 5 years. Recently he’s been struggling with drug problems & is in rehab.
His mom sent me a message yesterday saying she passed the message along to him & he’d be in touch when he could (limited contact in rehab & all that).
I’m kinda nervous about hearing from him. I don’t know that we will ever be close like other siblings, but hopefully we can establish some kind of relationship that’s more normal than what we currently have.
I just realized that my relationship with my older half-brothers can be told with stories all involving video games. I think I’m gonna try to write something like that. And maybe I’ll post it here. And then maybe I’ll send them each a link to it. And then maybe I’ll feel better about everything that has and hasn’t happened and has and hasn’t been said.
For this one I thought I’d do a couple of my favorite family photos (at least, ones I have on my laptop)…
My great-grandma, sometime in the 1940s or 1950s
My pap, cousin Michael, brother Adam, & cousin Alex, summer 2006